…is that you have to use it.

I was in Publix one day with my 3-year old doing some wifey shit – grocery shopping and whatnot.  I already don’t like doing this activity.  Who wants to troll aisle after aisle only to get to the checkout line, spend an astronomical amount of money and only have about two days worth of food to show for it??  And when baby girl is with me, we have to move swiftly or else she will become the wild child and begin spazzing out.

So on this particular trip we are standing near the seafood department scoping out some succulent shrimp, then I look up and I see her.  I look quickly away (fucked up, right?) but then she’s coming straight towards us…

Her:  (gasp) Hey girl, how have you been? (runs over and gives me a hug)

Me:  Hey girl, long time no see (the fuck did I say that for?)!

Her: Yeah girl, I know (sad, puppy dog eyes)

She has that look in her eye like she wants to drill me with questions and spill her guts about all the emotions that have consumed her.  I try to fight it off, not because I don’t care but simply because it’s uncomfortable.

See, she is the girlfriend of someone that I know very well and I met her a little while after they started dating.  We hung out a few times in a group setting but never truly became friends; never went out alone or talked on the phone or anything.  At any rate, I know that this dude is no good as a boyfriend because at the time of me writing this, this is the 3^rd chick I’ve met within the past 2 years, which isn’t bad per say.  But this is the 2^nd one that I have had to console and it is extremely uncomfortable.  Is he cheating on her? Yes.  Should she leave him alone?  Yes.  Do I feel it is my place to tell her all this?  No.

She leads off with asking how my Mother’ Day was and then she starts asking a few strange questions like, “What is it like being a mother?”, “Do you like being a mother?”  I give her the side-eye wondering if she’s about to tell me she’s preggie.  But thank God she’s not.  The bad boyfriend does not need another baby, or another baby’s momma.

She walks with me around the store telling me that she went through his phone (which I told her not to do months ago) and that she found some questionable pictures and text messages.  I say nothing and keep walking while I am STILL trying to shop and while I am now trying to keep up with baby girl who has made her way out of the basket and is running down the aisle like a runaway slave.  She thinks that he is cheating with the baby moms, which is what prompted her to ask me the motherhood questions.  She thought maybe there was some sort of unbroken bond there.  But he’s not cheating with the baby moms.  I know that for a fact.  Then she asks me about another chick who he’s always on the phone with.  I lied and told her I don’t know much about her.  But yes, this is one of the chicks he is cheating with.  Her eyes are searching and I can see it, but still it’s not my place.  She continues by saying how much she loves him and wants to build a life with him.  Now I have the sad look in my eye and mainly because I’ve been where she is.  She’s young, beautiful, has goals in her life that she is working towards and she’s attached to a man who could give two shits about her.

I give her the most effective advice that I can give:

“It has been my experience that when I have ever felt as if a dude was cheating on me or lying to me that chances are he was.  You know what you need to do; it’s just hard to do it.”

Good advice, right?  I think it is.  I’m sure she read between the lines.  She already knows I wouldn’t say anything specific to her.  Then she hints at the fact that she doesn’t have many female friends because he ran them all away, none of them like him.  She’s hinting at us hanging out and becoming friends.  And under different circumstances, I would.  But not while she’s with him.  I don’t want to get caught up in that.  I’ve been there before.  The ‘friendship’ will become nothing more than a vent-fest and interrogations about him.  I can’t do it.

So at the end of this conversation she is still confused and doesn’t know what to do.  I told her to stop thinking about him and focus on herself because nothing can get you off track more than being heartbroken.

Are they still together now?  Yes.

So why is it so hard for us as women to go with what we already know?  I mean, if you have stopped me in the grocery store and talked to me for an hour about your cheating boyfriend then there’s a problem.  If you feel the need to go searching through phones and emails, there is a problem.  If you are more unhappy than happy, there is a problem.

And that also leads me to question whether or not males have a certain sort of intuition.  I always hear a lot of dudes say that women are better at cheating than men because they never get caught.  So is it just that they don’t expect their woman to cheat or do they just really not know???