Yay!

Ewww, test tube babies are soooooo 70’s.  With all their donor eggs, donor sperm, nutrition solutions, tube growth, surrogate implantation (boooo!!!!).  This is a drive-thru, microwave only, speed of light, 100 decibel, 24-hour shopping, pre-emptive strike society we live in and dammit we want babies to match!

Welcome to 2009:  scientists have created male sperm using embryonic stem cells.  Created.  Sperm. Not cloned.  And those little jiggly suckers work like the real thing!  You know Darwin is in a heavenly bathroom stall beating his meat to this news.  God, however, now pissed at both Darwin & the smart-ass-playing-with-his-creation scientists, plots His next deadly plague.  Muy interesante!

I kid I kid…God doesn’t get pissed: he gets even!  No, but serious business, maybe this is God’s answer to AIDS (or cancer, or driving while black, or any other unnatural cause of death).  Almost 30 years of AIDS research and humans are no more committed to consistent condom use than we are close to finding a cure so I’m sure He figures He has to step in somewhere.  I could debate the various blessings/curses of this situation for days, but let’s just cut to the good stuff. Like…

Nay!

…how long will it take desperate groupies to figure out that they can get pregnant by Bob the Baller, actually have the abortion & then team up with a mad scientist to create her own league of baby ballers (Child Support will never be the same)

…how long will it be before some married couple decide to divorce, but are parents to a child produced via this magic sperm, & the father refuses to pay child support because Billy Jean was not his lover the child isn’t technically his AND he now wants the child taken away from the mother since she’s barren and he thinks that was God’s way of warning him that she was useless (Divorce Court will never be the same…)

…how long will it take before rappers realize they no longer have to fuck every girl in the world to be a baby-daddy to every girl in the world (Orgies will never be the same…)

…how long will it take before some powerful world leader creates a disease to kill off most of the human race only to replace them with…
Never mind, my imagination is heading into Aeon Flux territory (kill me, I liked it!)

So, be still your hearts, my darling Trans-sexuals, for your parental revolution yet awaits but for another moment doth thru yon window breaks where for art thou Argetina!

Eh!

*Sorry about that last bit, but not really…my mind tends to wander & it greatly amuses me to follow aimlessly.  Hope you read it over & over and got a headache trying to make sense out of it!